HEADS-UP!

“HEADS-UP!” they shout as the ball goes up and out of the playing field to warn fans of possible injury. You know just by being there, you are at risk of being struck. However, the premonition doubles with the declaration of such words.

 

“FORE!” they declare as the golf ball makes a sudden turn into the crowd, or onto another fairway of players, after being awkwardly hit. It’s coming at you whether you like it or not. Get ready.

 

 

Today, I’m yelling both.

HEADS-UP!

FORE!!

Whether you want to read it or not, here it comes. I’m going to unload. Get it off my chest. Acknowledge it and move on. (I talk through this stuff all the time in my head, but blogging such feels dangerously uncomfortable. Yet, I feel compelled to awkwardly hit this out of the park. Or, simply just throw it out there in order to think it through in a different manner. Good or bad, HEADS-UP!)

I’m sad.

The catalyst: my daughter left to go back to school today. It was time. I know it is what’s supposed to happen. Funny thing is, I didn’t cry this much when I dropped her off in July. (She reported early to play volleyball.) It was exciting then to watch her embark on her new adventure. Now, it too is exciting; however, she will not return until June following an amazing journey to Bali with a friend whose family emigrated from there. What an incredible opportunity, right? Then, why am I so dang nervous? No matter my emotional state, I hear that familiar sideline holler, “HEADS-UP!”

I’m sadder.

The next catalyst: my son also deserves to have a new adventure following high school graduation in May, but I’m not so sure we can afford it. I’ve been tackling some financial aid paperwork since daughter left. That pit in my stomach swells and hardens as I juggle thoughts and advice received from others in such positions such as “he can get a job”, or “he can take on some student loans.” His experience is definitely going to be different and more challenging than I think he realizes. So, I plug away to help him get going. Although, in the distance I boldly hear, “FORE!”

I’m further saddened.

The inescapable catalyst: I’ve caused the financial burden. While I am happy to be a teacher, given it’s daily ups and downs, I went back to school later in life to get the license and Master’s Degree. Who knew I wouldn’t get into the classroom right away? I had two small children that I wanted to spend more time with and a husband who’s job seemed like it was always changing. So, I worked full-time at the daycare facility my kids attended while going back to school. (Some of my classes were right down the hall from the daycare. Win-win, right?) I thought this is what was needed to make more money. I “took the bull by the horns” and went for it- or so I thought. Yep, I’m one of THOSE who has taken the proverbial financial bullet, succumbing to the financial nuclear bomb also known as student loans. I don’t hear the warnings of “heads-up” nor “fore” now. Instead, I hear that game-ending tune in Pac-Man .  

 

I’m suddenly not as sad.

“It is what it is.” I’ve never liked that saying, but it’s all that comes to mind now. Instead of continuing in a downward spiral, I’m confronting the circumstances. I stand on it as if walking up to the plate or teeing off once again. Not sure what’s about to transpire, I take a breath and roar…

“HEADS-UP!”

and

“FORE!!”